Rewind
by allitersonance
Summary: If you could go back in time, theoretically, would you? Even if you couldn't change anything, and you had to watch them die again? Even if you made everything worse? Abandoned.
1. Prologue

It started with a question. (There were things that led up to the question, but the question was a definite starting point for _something_.)

"If you could go back in time, theoretically, would you? Even if you couldn't change anything, and you had to watch them die again? Even if you made everything worse?"

Bitter laughter. So out of place coming from its source. (Everything was out of place. Random, dirty rags that should have been a stupid, stupidly bright orange. Smooth skin where there should have been scars. Red eyes where there should have been blue. Fangs. A bitter glint in eyes that used to be shining with joy or determination, or, if nothing else, _passion_.) "Oh, Shikamaru, please don't ask me something like that." Silence. The clouds, free of the weight of responsibilities and memories Shikamaru carried, floated on ahead. Then, "I would do anything to see them again…"

"Would you even kill me for that?"

Silence, again. A whisper. "Sorry, Shikamaru, but I guess I'm a little too selfish."

"It's alright." He closed his eyes. Cloud-watching was tinged with bitterness these days. (If he was like a cloud, as he'd so often wished before, the weight of everything he'd seen and done would overload him and every tear he had would just flood out. Wouldn't stop, until he had nothing left.

(Already had.) "I think I'd do the same. Even if it was only for, maybe not five minutes, but two hours… I wouldn't do it for anything else, you know that, but for them…"

"I know, Shikamaru, believe me. I know."

They studied with fervour, putting together both of their great minds and, although they both detested any kind of paperwork with a passion, scribbled down many notes and equations. Re-scribbled, because when Shikamaru put everything into something, it had to come out right. Had to be perfect. Especially this.

Seals were designed, or borrowed from elsewhere and applied in a different manner. They were put together in one large array, scrapped, and redone. The scrapped paper was kept for reference, when it would've been easier to use it as fuel for a fire.

They kept moving during this time, across nations, but the thought of being caught wasn't as high on their priorities list any more. Clones had to be made to carry the amount of paper they brought everywhere. Once, when hunter-nin came after them, they had to jump into the water to escape. Most of the paper was saved, but some was lost – and redone, even though they weren't even the ones they'd currently been working on.

(Naruto also wrote a terrible porn novel during this time, though Shikamaru figured that it could've been popular had they been able to publish it. It saved their lives, or at least made it a lot easier, when they proved to the authorities they were just ordinary citizens who were also budding writers, and reciting a certain passage about _five_ lovers' night time activities was effective in knocking people out. It was then that Shikamaru wondered if _Oiroke no Jutsu_ might've been more practical than it first seemed.)

Breakthroughs were made. Sometimes, proven false.

They ate little, slept less. It didn't matter any more. They'd found a way, or thought (hoped) they did.

At one point, they ran out of ink in the middle of figuring out something important. A couple of hunter-nin squads were slaughtered, and their writing was in red-turned-brown for a time. It didn't matter at the time, and they forgot soon after.

(The pens and paper were, of course, stolen. Just like everything else.)

When they were on the verge of solving one major problem, they had to make a decision. Who would have the chance to see everyone again? There could only be one. And, if it failed, probably even if it succeeded, the other would have to live alone. Probably couldn't.

The jutsu could only send one back (in incorporeal form, only, but surely that was better, easier), and even if it could send more, there needed to be someone to perform the jutsu on the ones who'd get their second chance. When they argued over who would do what, the conflict was mostly internal. Would they leave the other, and always have the terrible, terrible knowledge that the other man was left behind? Or would they give up their chance to see their loved ones again?

(Or they could both stay, and give up the chance to see _them_ but still have each other. But that would require moving on, so neither of them ever voiced this thought, if it ever even occurred to them.)

But really, there was only one answer.

"I've got another soul within me," Naruto pointed out quietly, looking away. "I'm the only one with enough chakra to do it. Besides, we need knowledge and strategy to succeed, which you've got in spades, and I don't think I could bring back all of my power with me. I'd be pretty useless, compared to you."

Shikamaru couldn't argue. He didn't even know if he wanted to.

That night, he saw Naruto put a kunai away somewhere safe, but not somewhere that it could easily be reached in battle. They didn't have many – not nearly enough weapons, not nearly enough anything – but Shikamaru didn't take long to figure out what it was for, or what it probably could and would be used for.

He didn't want Naruto to kill himself afterwards, whether they succeeded or failed. They'd already figured out that no matter what, the jutsu user would be left alone or else dead. But he didn't know which was worse.

(He had a good idea, though, and he found he really couldn't blame his friend no matter how much he wanted to scream at him.)

"Are you ready?" Naruto's skin seemed to glow red. Shikamaru swallowed, and nodded. Naruto closed his eyes and made a hand seal. Four clones popped into existence and stepped in their designated circles. The real Naruto did the same, forming a pentagon around Shikamaru. In unison the Narutos flipped through a series of hand seals.

Shikamaru wasn't sure why he felt so nervous. All he had to do was stand back and relax; Naruto would be doing all the work, and Shikamaru trusted Naruto to do it right. But what if he was standing a bit off from the very middle, and only part of his body or soul was sent back? What if it absolutely required him to relax, and he wasn't doing it well enough? Practically, these worries made no sense, but they raced through Shikamaru's mind nonetheless.

What if it didn't work, and Naruto was left behind by himself?

What if it did, and Shikamaru screwed up his part of their mission?

The array of seals around them flashed, filling Shikamaru's vision with whitish-blue light. He squeezed his eyes shut, but it pierced through his eyelids. The seals in which chakra was stored released the chakra into the seal around him, controlled expertly by Naruto, or at least that was what was supposed to happen. He wasn't sure, because all he knew was that the light was getting brighter, unbearably so. He heard a worried cry and he wasn't sure if it was him or Naruto who yelled, "Don't stop!" or even someone else. He didn't remember falling, but he felt his body hit something solid and the rough hard stone against his cheek, and there was pressure on his shoulder and a pair of red eyes stared into his own and everything was spinning and then it was gone.

* * *

Oiroke no Jutsu: Sexy Technique


	2. Paving the Road to Success

"_Who are you? Why are you here?"_

"_I could ask you the same question." His eyes narrowed, even though he couldn't see through the almost-solid darkness that surrounded him. "Your voice… I think I've heard it before. Do I know you?"_

"_I dunno." It was a child, a boy. "My name's Shikamaru."_

_A gasp escaped his lips. "That's impossible."_

"_What? Is it a really sucky name?" Apathy, or something that was trying to pretend to be._

"_Oh… no. It's fine." He hesitated. "But, that's my name, too."_

"_It's possible for people to share the same name, I guess. I don't think I've seen two people with the same name before, though."_

"_The Hyuuga," the elder Shikamaru answered immediately. "Their names all start with the same sound, so they would've run out if there were no repeats."_

"_Uh huh. But they probably only re-use names when the person died or something."_

"_That would be logical."_

"_Hey, do you know where we are? It's kind of dark in here, and I couldn't find any light switches, or walls." He definitely didn't remember talking this much when he was younger. "Oh yeah, you know about the Hyuuga? Are you a Konoha shinobi?"_

"_You could say that."_

_He could almost hear the gears turning in the younger's head. "You're not a missing-nin, are you?" The question was thrown in almost nonchalantly. Young Shikamaru didn't really believe it possible._

"_No. And where we are… I think it's within your mind. Like… like the Yamanaka jutsu, except I don't have a body to return to." Shikamaru, elder, hesitated. "I'm here to take control of your body, and take it for my own."_

"_What? _Why_!"_

_Shikamaru sighed. If he gave no information, his younger self would probably try to fight him. And lose, of course, but Shikamaru didn't like the idea of killing his younger, _innocent_ self. "Let's just say I'm here from a future that was really, really bad. I want to stop it from happening to Konoha."_

_The other Shikamaru was quiet for a moment. "Oh. I don't really get it, but I guess it's alright." He paused. "It's kinda troublesome, but this is my home, too. So I guess I'd like to help."_

_Shikamaru smiled grimly, still surrounded by darkness. "You can try."_

Shikamaru woke up with a jolt and a gasp, eyes snapping open to the white ceiling and bright lighting. It felt familiar, but he didn't quite remember it.

He inhaled deeply through his nose, and the sharp smell of antiseptic told him all he needed to know. But why would he be in the hospital? He had never gotten injured or seriously sick as a child, and by the sound of the voice he'd (thought he had) heard, he couldn't have graduated yet. Research had shown that his body would be anywhere between six and twelve, and it had to have been done right if he was in a hospital at all.

He used his arms to push himself into a sitting position, the white sheet covering him sliding down to stomach-level. His vision swam suddenly, as if he was looking at everything through water, and he lay back down with a groan. His vision cleared, but he was left with a pounding headache. "What. The. F—" He thought he heard a gasp. "—hell."

"Shikamaru, watch your tongue!" someone immediately snapped from the doorway. A woman. One he had once known so well he would hear that voice even when it was gone forever – or so it would've been – back before few enough people had died so keeping their voices in his head wouldn't have driven him crazy. He stared, wide-eyed, at the person who stepped in.

"Mom?"

_(—"Mom?"—)_

"Of course it's me!" Her loud, sharp tone made him wince. "And I want to know where you learned that language!"

_(—"Of course it's me!" she snapped. Her voice could probably be heard all the way in the Kazekage towers. "And I want to know where in hell you got the idea to try to _kill_ yourself!"—)_

"I heard a ninja-person use it," he answered as innocently as possible. "I thought I was going to be a ninja, so it's okay to copy them."

_(—"You wouldn't understand," he retorted, "how it is to see your best friend go up in flames at the hands of a former ally."—)_

"Well… don't." She glared at him, but her eyes softened _(—and the Godaime Hokage glared weakly at Naruto. "I have regrets, but" – she coughed out blood – "I've got to move forward, even to death."_

"_Tsunade…" Shikamaru thought Naruto was crying, as the voice came out sort of like a sob, but it was hard to tell by staring at the back of his friend's head. "You can't die on me!" Naruto's shoulders were shaking. Shikamaru's cheeks were sort of damp, but he was soaked from a suiton jutsu and he wasn't sure if he was crying. He almost hoped he was, because that would mean he had at least a bit of humanity left, but he couldn't tell and he hated it. "You're a medic, so you can convert my chakra to heal yourself!"_

"_Give him hell for me, Rokudaime…"—)_ and she asked, "Are you alright?"

Shikamaru really hoped that these flashbacks wouldn't happen in the middle of a battle. "I think so," he replied, wrinkling his nose in confusion. A long strand of hair tickled his cheek, and he scratched at it to remove the annoying sensation. "Did something happen?"

"Don't you remember?" Shikamaru shook his head. "You passed out in the middle of class and you've been unconscious for a couple of days. If you're alright, you'll be able to go back tomorrow – it's the weekend, so you didn't miss too much."

"My head hurts," he answered immediately. (No! School? Work? He'd rather not.) "And I feel kind of dizzy when I sit up."

His mother frowned. "I'll tell the doctor, but you might have to stay in this room."

"No need." His mother jumped, startled at the smooth, masculine voice, and stepped out of the way to look at him. Shikamaru got a peek at the speaker, a man with rectangular glasses and dressed as a medic. He looked a bit old, but his hair had not yet started greying. "You'll have to stay here until you get better completely. We aren't yet sure what triggered the fainting spell, so we have to monitor you in case you show signs of this event repeating in the future." He tapped a pen on his clipboard. "Umino-san told me you hit your head on the corner of a desk when you fainted, but you fortunately managed not to get a concussion."

Shikamaru nodded, but remembered that he hadn't learned what a concussion was until… well, he wasn't quite sure, but it was probably some time after he graduated. His voice was much higher than he was accustomed to, so he had to be younger than that. "What's a concussion?"

"It's when you hit your head really hard and your brain is injured." The medic smiled kindly, but Shikamaru wondered if he thought he was stupid. "Your brain is rather sensitive, so you sometimes have to see a doctor afterwards."

"Oh."

"Yes." He turned to Shikamaru's mother. "I also came to let you know that visiting hours are almost over – I know he just woke up, Nara-san, but you've been here all day and you should get some rest and nourishment. Rest assured, we will make sure that Shikamaru-kun here is alright. We'll only need to run some tests, and we'll give you the results when you return. They'll be ready by tomorrow afternoon."

"But I—oh, fine, but they'd better be ready when I come to pick them up tomorrow. I think Ino's visiting – she left you those flowers in that vase there – and she'll probably come early in the morning. Make sure you entertain her, and don't pretend to sleep while she's here, understand?"

"Yes, mother." Shikamaru sighed. As the medic gently dragged his mother away, Shikamaru muttered, "How troublesome."

Shikamaru stepped into the room, staring around in wide-eyed wonder. This place… he hadn't been here in _ages_! The white ceiling, the bedside table with a lamp, the light fixture in the centre of the room, his oh-so-hated alarm clock, even the presence of a tissue box. And the _calendar_, filled with pictures of flowers; that would be useful right now. There were questions he needed the answer to but couldn't ask, and some of them were right in front of him. He walked quickly across the room (clean, not because he bothered to pick up after himself, but because it was too troublesome to make a mess in the first place) and took the calendar off the wall. He sat on the bed and looked at it.

He was seven, midway through the second month of school, and he had school tomorrow. And, also, he remembered, flipping through the pages, his birthday was only a few weeks ago.

A birthday… he hadn't celebrated one since he was sent out as a prime shinobi in the three-way war that officially ended with the fall of Konoha. None of the survivors had (funny, he'd thought, that it was mostly the children who'd survived) ever celebrated a birthday after the incident, or even mentioned it. Of course there wasn't much to celebrate anyway, but it led up to the point where _(—"Kiba," the pale-eyed former-heiress said suddenly. "It's your birthday today."—)_ they had forgotten.

_(—He looked startled, as if an enemy shinobi had suddenly dropped in behind him and was holding a kunai to his throat, immediately wondering aloud: "What's that?"—)_

Shikamaru growled and flung the calendar across the room. He lay down on his bed, hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. He'd been able to repress the memories, mostly, but here, back in the village that had ceased to exist for almost half his former lifetime, they were starting to resurface.

Why, why, why, _(—"Why!" he screamed, the voice thickly layered with anguish. The normal stoic ninja's long hair was dishevelled, and he looked almost insane as he glared into Shikamaru's eyes. Neither of them realised how tightly his hand was clenched around Shikamaru's shirt. "Why did you let her die? Why!"—)_ why, why…

"Dammit!" he hissed, turning around to lie on his stomach. "Damn, shit, fuck…"

_(—"Fuck this. It's not worth it any more."—)_

"Fuck," he agreed.

"Thirty drops of blood on the wall, thirty drops of blood! They stabbed again and blood sprayed out, thirty-one drops of blood on the wall. Thirty-one drops of blood on the wall, thirty-one drops of blood! They stabbed again and blood sprayed out, thirty-two drops of blood on the wall."

Shikamaru stared. The singer was a young boy with messy blond hair, sitting on a lone wooden swing and kicking the ground. He'd never known Naruto was so _morbid_, not at this age. He felt like turning back and running home in fear or something, but he'd come here for a reason and it would be troublesome to turn around without even getting anything from his excursion.

Naruto raised his eyes and glared challengingly, continuing his song without blinking. _Creepy_. "Thirty-two drops of blood on the wall, thirty-two drops of blood…"

Shikamaru joined in, saying it more than singing. "…They stabbed again and blood sprayed out, thirty-three drops of blood on the wall." They both stopped and stared into each other's eyes, gauging the other's reaction. Naruto's were somewhat guarded, more than Shikamaru expected, but he supposed nobody had ever tried to be his friend up to now. "Why does only one drop of blood hit the wall every time they stab him?"

Naruto shrugged indifferently. "S'just a song." Then, he smirked and added, "I made it up. Like it?" Shikamaru shuddered inwardly. _That_ smirk on _that_ face… it looked so wrong! (Like Orochimaru's leer on Sasuke's face, Sasuke's smirk had no place on Naruto's face when he had his own.)

"It's better than the original one. If they wanted that much beer, they should've taken it all down and everyone could have their own or something."

Naruto didn't laugh, though his lips did twitch. "Sure, but they probably liked sharing."

"Right." He looked around, staring at the healthy, green, living trees _(—go up in flames—)_ around them. "Who's being stabbed, anyway?"

"Me."

Shikamaru's eyes widened. "_What_?"

Naruto just grinned, in the way Shikamaru had been used to. "Just kidding. It's just an enemy, I guess."

"Oh." Shikamaru relaxed, but there was a niggling thought at the back of his head _(—"I used to want to die, you know, because I had nobody. Having and losing them is worse, I knew that, but I didn't expect it to be like _this_!"—)_ that there was some truth in Naruto's original statement. He didn't want to think about it right now, instead changing the topic. "When does the song end? I don't think numbers end, so if you're going up you can go on forever."

"Dunno. When the guy dies." Naruto's bright smile faded a little into something more normal, showing his (blue, not the wrong, wrong, red) eyes. He looked less guarded than before, more trusting. "You're one of the guys in the Academy, aren't you?"

Oh, yeah. He'd fainted, hadn't he? How embarrassing, he thought, scratching the back of his head. "Yeah. You're in my class, I think." He cocked his head, as if trying to remember. "Your name's Naruto, right? The one who always gets in trouble?"

Naruto scratched the back of his head, chuckling embarrassedly. "Oh, I guess that's how everyone would recognise me, huh?"

"You're also the one who grins that stupid grin at everyone, even though they're looking at you like you're contaminated with something."

The blond blinked. "Maybe I'm just happy," he answered, as if he'd forgotten how Shikamaru had first seen him when he walked in on Naruto's singing. His face screwed up in confusion. "What's contaminated mean?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "Dirty, or like you're sick or something, and if people get too close they might get sick or something."

"Oh." Shikamaru saw Naruto's face fall for a moment, but then he looked down at his feet and Shikamaru could only see the bright, vivid hair _(—dripping with blood—)_ that was probably a horrible colour as one who was supposed to learn to be stealthy. But Naruto had never learned, not properly, not when he was desperate to gain the attention of people under his own power. "I guess they do, huh?"

Oh, crap. He would have to tread carefully if this was to succeed. "I'm Shikamaru. I hope you don't look at me the same way since I fainted, because I'm not sick or anything." He stuck out a hand. "Nice to meet you."

Naruto's head snapped up, startled, before he broke out into a (hopeful? Half-disbelieving?) grin. "Yeah." He hopped off the swing and stuck out his own hand to shake Shikamaru's. "I wasn't there when that happened. Did you get hurt?"

"Only a little." Shikamaru smirked. "You were skipping again? You have to at least pretend to pay attention if you want good marks."

"It's not like it would help much anyway. I don't really get it, and I don't think the teachers would want to help me, and it's so boring."

"Aa. I'd offer to tutor you, except…"

"…you're always asleep in classes?"

"Yeah." There was silence for a moment, and they both tried to break it at the same time.

"Why are you—?" _(—"How can you—?"—)_

"Do you want to—?" _(—"Would you like to—?"—)_

They both cut themselves off. "You go first," _(—Shikamaru—) _Naruto said.

_(—"I forgot." Naruto grinned sheepishly. "So, you go first."_

_Liar, Shikamaru thought, but asked anyway,—)_ "Would you like to go cloud-watching with me? I know a good place for it." _(—"How can you still smile like that?"—)_

Naruto _(—smiled, a little sadly this time—) _brightened. "Sure! Let's go!" _(—"Nobody else is going to do it."—)_

Naruto marched off toward the village center, as if intending to lead the way. Shikamaru stared after him until Naruto turned around to call him over.

It hadn't escaped his notice that Naruto never finished his question, and Shikamaru didn't think it was because Naruto had forgotten.

When Shikamaru dreamed, he felt that something was… off. Not about the dreams – they were the typical reminisces of his friends, whether he saw them alive or dead – but something else. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he could only describe it as a presence. Of what, he didn't know. It unnerved him, but he couldn't spend too much time trying to figure it out.

If he dreamt too long, even the dream of eating Korean barbeque with Chouji deteriorated into something full of fire and carnage.

He hadn't slept for over five hours at a time since, and even that had been a major accomplishment

Naruto fidgeted in his seat beside Shikamaru, unaccustomed to sitting still for so long. "Shikamaru," he complained in a loud whisper, "this is so _boring_!"

Judging by the twitch of Iruka-sensei's eye, the chuunin could hear perfectly.

"I know that, but you have to deal with it, like shinobi probably have to go through tons of boring meetings," Shikamaru pointed out. "And paperwork too! Is that supposed to be me?" He pointed to a messy doodle on Naruto's paper. "It looks like a pineapple with a smiley face on it."

"So do you," Naruto pointed out.

"My mouth isn't half the size of my face, though, and I have teeth."

"Would you like to continue this outside?" a menacing voice demanded from right behind them. They jumped and looked at their teacher's face guiltily.

Naruto looked like he was about to say something, so Shikamaru clamped a hand over the other's mouth. "No, sorry," he answered.

"Good." Iruka-sensei continued with his lecture, comparing the uses of kunai to those of shuriken. Shikamaru didn't think it meant anything to _any_ of the seven year olds here, except that maybe after half an hour they'd get the idea that kunai were better for close-range than shuriken.

It was just about as boring as Shikamaru remembered, but trying to keep Naruto from running was a good way to stop him from falling asleep.

"Naruto!" he called, up the street. Naruto, sitting at the ramen stall (which he recognised, but it seemed so alien), turned and waved.

He swallowed the noodles he'd been eating as Shikamaru slipped into the seat next to him. "Didn't your parents tell you not to hang around me or something?"

"I'll have whatever he's having," he told the long-haired girl. Shikamaru gave Naruto a sideways glance. "Dad's on a mission, and my mom never asked. Why, don't you like me?"

"No, no, I mean yeah," Naruto corrected himself, seeing Shikamaru's offended look. "It's just that I don't think a lot of people like me too much. Old man, I'll have another deluxe ramen!"

"They don't have to know, if you don't want." Shikamaru shrugged, glancing up at the clouds. It was going to rain today, probably just a light drizzle at first. "I was wondering, though, if you know what practice weapons we have to buy for the Academy? I think I missed it." He hadn't, of course, but that was irrelevant.

"We need to buy weapons?"

Shikamaru considered slamming his face into the countertop, but the Ichiraku stall owner chased away that train of thought by placing a large bowl in front of Shikamaru. Shikamaru stared at it. He didn't think he could eat _that_ much, but it smelled pretty good and he had an idea of how he could make sure it didn't go to waste.

"I think so," he answered calmly, taking a pair of wooden chopsticks and snapping them apart. "Since we both don't know, maybe we could look in a weapons store together, and we could try to find anything we'll probably need together, so we don't forget anything. How does that sound?"

"I don't know…" Naruto bit his lip. "I don't think I have enough money."

"I can probably ask my dad for extra," Shikamaru offered. He made a quick calculation in his head. Naruto should've had more than enough to buy a few sets of kunai and shuriken, writing utensils, and still have enough to buy clothes and food for the whole year. Good stuff too, not just ramen and an orange jumpsuit. Surely he didn't have to pay rent or anything on his own.

"You'd do that for me?" Naruto seemed genuinely astonished.

Naruto would do the same, Shikamaru knew, and more. So why should he be so surprised that someone would do the same for him? "Sure. We're friends, right?" He smiled. "How does tomorrow sound?"

"What are you doing here?" Shikamaru and Naruto looked up from the selection of kunai and turned to face the speaker; Shikamaru's expression was one of confusion (much to his chagrin, he found he couldn't hide his emotions nearly as well as before), while Naruto's was one of nervousness.

"What did I do?" Shikamaru gave the adult an annoyed look, sort of having an idea about what this might be about. Really, though, he'd just expected minor price inflation, not what this was probably about. "I'm here for business reasons, that's all." The shopkeeper barely gave him a glance.

"I'll leave quietly." There was a slight tremor in Naruto's voice. He did as he said, followed by the shopkeeper's intense gaze. When he pushed through the door, the shopkeeper turned to Shikamaru, now offering a wide smile.

"You know, little boy, you shouldn't hang around with such a troublemaker. He'll corrupt your innocent mind, you know."

"I'll be fine," Shikamaru answered, trying and probably failing to smile back. "Besides, we were just getting kunai together."

"Alright." The shopkeeper gave him a nod, then turned to help a father and son duo. Shikamaru recognised them, and flinched. _(—"You'd better catch up afterwards, Chouji."_

"_Yeah."—)_ (Except that (_—"Listen, we're going to get Sasuke back before Chouji catches up to us."—)_ Chouji never caught up, and they never got Sasuke back. One of the first in his long line of major failures.)

He turned away bitterly. "Sorry," he whispered to himself. No matter how close he'd gotten to Naruto in the other reality, Chouji had always been more important. Chouji had been the one they, no, _he_, had failed to save. And that was why he couldn't look at him.

That was why, he decided, this time around, they couldn't be friends.

He shook his head. This wasn't the time for that. Naruto was waiting.

He looked around the shop and noticed a pink-haired girl, alone for some reason, looking at some shuriken pouches. Shikamaru walked over to her, carrying the basket filled with shop items in his hand. For some reason, the girl reminded him of the person who had almost become his first kill rather than whom he knew she really was.

"Um, excuse me." Sakura turned to look at him. He was surprised that her bangs were flopping messily over her forehead rather than the way he had become so accustomed to. "If you're here, you're going to the Ninja Academy too, right? Since we need to get practice weapons before the end of the month?" She nodded timidly, stepping backward. She was much quieter than Shikamaru remembered her. "Uh, you didn't get much yet, did you?" She shook her head. She looked terrified of him, for some reason. "Oh, good, because I was wondering if you'd take this stuff off my hands. I need to go do something quickly, and I don't want to be late, so if you wouldn't mind…" He offered the shopping basket, and she took it warily, making sure their hands didn't touch. Shikamaru smiled warmly. "Thanks! See you at the Academy!" He turned to leave.

"Thank you," she called after him softly. Shikamaru gave her a wave as he ran down the aisles to the door.

Well, this was one shop he'd be boycotting in the future. Too bad; they sold absolutely _fantastic_ flash bombs.

_The world was black, and Shikamaru was running. He was back in his old body, the one of a scarred man who had lost almost everything and bargained away what little he had left. There was something behind him, the shadow of something gigantic flying after him almost lazily. It could catch up easily, but it didn't._

You wanted to see them again. Time's up.

_No! he tried to protest, but couldn't speak the word. That wasn't the deal!_

It's time for you to go back. You ended Naruto's life to see them for two hours; you were generously given more. It's time to go back.

_No! I didn't—I can't—I won't! Still, silence on his part. Why couldn't he speak?_

_Part of the darkness faded to reveal a dead, blond man, with glassy red eyes staring up blankly, accusingly, in a pool of his own blood. A pool of blood large enough to have come from several men, because Kyuubi would never let its victim bleed to death._

_To have died from a mere slash across his throat, Naruto would have had to have been suppressing the demon's power._

You see? He died for you. Your time is up.

_No! No! I didn't kill him, I swear! I would never do that! I thought maybe I would, but I could never bring myself to do it. I just—_

_(He thought he might be crying.)_

_I just left him behind._

_There was that presence, again, and a faint, distant voice. "You don't have to do this alone." He looked behind him, where the voice had seemingly come from. There was nobody there._

"_But I _am_ alone."_

* * *

Posted September 8, 2007


	3. Sleep

"Naruto!"

Said blond had been actively avoiding him for several days, and while Shikamaru wanted to let Naruto calm himself down first, he didn't think that would actually happen. Naruto was surprisingly good at making himself sparse when he wanted to be, and there hadn't been even a glimpse of blond hair in any of Naruto's usual haunts. Shikamaru had waited by the ramen stall around mealtimes, kept visiting the swings, even tried to ask several people if they knew what orphanage or apartment Naruto was living in. He had half a mind to ask the Sandaime, but he knew that he had no real right to do so. He could use the time to tell the Sandaime about what he knew, but the Hokage's reaction was too much of an unknown variable, and Shikamaru was unwilling to risk it until he knew more.

Even the Ichiraku stall owner hadn't seen Naruto for a while; and, at school, he'd arrived late, left early, and sat far away from Shikamaru, giving Shikamaru no time to catch him. It was by pure chance, really, that he had caught sight of the vibrant blond, spiky hair of a young boy, walking through the less crowded streets of Konoha from the roof of an apartment building.

It took much longer to actually get to Naruto, but apparently Naruto had stopped to relieve himself and eat lunch, and it was likely that the midday sun was tiring him out. And, apparently, Shikamaru's small body could be moderately fast when enough adrenaline was pumping through it. He hadn't managed to enhance his speed with chakra, however, and after a lifetime of it being second nature, the skill was sorely missed.

Yes, he'd reached Naruto, but if the latter fled, Shikamaru wouldn't be able to catch him. He might have been able to catch his breath in time to see Naruto turn a corner, though, Shikamaru thought as he panted hard. It was a good thing that Naruto didn't.

Instead, he turned around, and gave Shikamaru one of his signature grins. "Shikamaru! I didn't expect to see you today!"

"I haven't seen you in a few days, so I kind of missed you." Shikamaru shoved his hands into his pockets, still breathing rather hard. "I didn't like that guy in the shop the other day, so I sort of walked out on him. I didn't take any of the stuff, either." He grinned back, though not as widely (his mouth couldn't possibly stretch that widely). "I'm sorry that I brought you into a really bad shop. The owner seemed nice, before."

"They're not all like that, you know." Naruto placed his hands behind his head. "It's just some of them are really…" He stared up at the sky. Shikamaru had half a mind to follow his gaze, but he'd already determined that there wasn't even a single fluff of cloud up there. "I guess if I go into one, I might _contaminate_ the whole place and people won't want to go there."

Shikamaru flinched visibly. The word Shikamaru had taught Naruto a few days ago was spat out with more venom than Shikamaru thought Naruto had. But, he thought, watching Naruto avoid Shikamaru's eyes, he had every reason to do worse, so Shikamaru could live with that.

It was only slightly disturbing that Naruto had been able to grin throughout the last sentence. Really.

It gave a whole new meaning to "grin and bear it", he supposed. He shook his head.

"I wanted to see you." He carefully watched Naruto's expression as he spoke, for any signs that he was saying the right or wrong thing. "If you don't think the shop people like you too much, I can buy stuff for you. In return, you can treat me to lunch. How does that sound?"

"Awesome! Deal! I'll make sure you've tasted every flavour of Ichiraku ramen by the time you've bought everything that I need!"

_(—and so the ramen stall burned to the ground, a blazing wooden beam falling from the roof and landing square on the screaming woman's back. The old man yelled and lunged for her, back into the blazing structure Shikamaru had just led them from. He stared at the picturesque scene for a moment, impassively thinking that it would make a beautiful portrait, then turned to lead the remaining civilians to safety.—)_

"_Did you hear?" A quiet whisper, almost like a hiss. "The Nara boy is spending too much time around the demon. I saw them talking in a restaurant."_

"_Shh, don't call him that in public." The tone is harsh. The warning was something that should be heeded, for the consequences of doing otherwise would be great._

"_Sorry, sorry."_

"_He's in danger!" Worry. Anxiety. "We should warn poor Yoshino-chan. I don't think she would have let this happen if she knew."_

"_His pure, innocent, untainted mind might be corrupted. You don't think this is one of _its_ powers, do you?"_

"_Maybe. It could be. I don't want to think about it."_

_Someone stands up, staring into the eyes of the other two people on the other side of the table. "Something must be done."_

It shouldn't have been so hard to perform such a simple jutsu, Shikamaru thought, flipping through a series of hand seals. An image of him, lying face-down and parts of it translucent, appeared on the floor in front of him. Shikamaru kicked it, and it disappeared. Chakra had never been _this_ hard to control, he was sure, even when he'd just started out. It was as if he was trying to use _Kagemane_ on a fly, back when he'd been able to perform it. When he'd thought he had gotten it under control, it would just slip away and the entire jutsu would fail.

Maybe this was how Naruto had felt? But no, he could do the other Academy-level jutsu just fine, except maybe the _Bunshin_ one. Shikamaru couldn't manage any of them, if they required chakra. Maybe he'd have to stick to only taijutsu, but he'd really rather not. There was already one Lee in this world, and besides, he needed _Kagemane_ for sure. He had never imagined not being able to use it.

He lifted up his shirt and peered down at his stomach, making sure he didn't have a demon sealed within him and messing up his chakra control. He didn't. That was good, or else there would have had to have been two demon attacks in the space of two and a half weeks.

Well then, he supposed he'd have to keep practicing until he got better at it, or something. It was troublesome, but really, what else was he going to do? He didn't know enough about chakra to really find out why, and he couldn't ask for help in case it had something to do with his special condition.

He performed the seals again, watching apprehensively as another clone appeared, once again lying on the ground. It was worse than before, with the legs almost transparent and the facial features… actually, they looked rather normal, almost like his default expression, but he didn't think he could make an expression appear if he tried. He dispelled it.

What was he doing wrong? He knew how to build chakra, and how to control it, but the control was where the problem lay. He would build it up well enough, but when he tried to use it, some of it would suddenly leak through any and all mistakes in his control. He frowned, making the seals again, and building up just the right amount of chakra. He formed it into a clone, but it felt like trying to carry water in his hands and pour it into a bucket, and the water was slipping through his fingers. The clone had no arms, and there was a hole in its stomach. Shikamaru sighed, dispelling it, gathered together more chakra…

…and fainted on his bed. If his mind was still conscious, he would have noted that he should have made a better estimation of his chakra capacity.

_He was shrouded in darkness, again – a darkness that seemed almost solid. But not menacing, not really. As he looked around, he could swear he felt something brushing his face with every movement, like a feather or a breeze. It might have been pleasant in a field of moist, green grass, where he could lie on his back and stare up at the clouds, but he wasn't, and he didn't like the feeling when he didn't know what was causing it._

"…_kamaru…"_

_There was a faint voice. Shikamaru strained his ears to listen, but the voice fell silent. He didn't know if the speaker was a male or female, young or old, ninja or civilian, memory or imagination or real._

"…_maru…"_

_Shikamaru raised a hand, feeling something soft lightly brushing past his arm, and lightly pressed his fingertips against his cheek. There were irregular scars from various types of injuries, from burns to puncture wounds to scratches, in his skin. He was not in his younger body._

_So, then, where was he?_

"…_Shika…"_

_Who was speaking?"_

"…_ru…"_

_Why was he here?_

"…_Shikamaru…"_

_And, most importantly, what did it mean?_

"_Shikamaru? Can you hear me?"_

The sun shone brightly, warming his skin as he lay back on the cool, green grass. The fresh scent of plants drifted toward him on a warm breeze, and the fluffy white clouds drifted lazily above in the clear blue sky. His eyes were drooping lazily, and he might have fallen asleep right then and there had there not been a loud, cheerful voice right beside him.

"I think that cloud sort of looks like a lamb, don't you?" The person beside him raised his arm, a finger pointing up at the sky.

"Aa." Shikamaru was so tired…

"That one sort of looks like the puff of smoke when the jounin teleport." The finger shifted a little, pointing at another spot in the sky.

"Mmm…" He closed his eyes lazily. This was much more comfortable than his own bed. Why was society more active in the morning and daytime, anyway? It was better to be awake from noon to maybe three in the morning, and then sleep, if they absolutely needed daylight. And to be able to sleep outside in the sunshine, the world around him peaceful and mostly quiet save for the chirping of birds and crickets, what greater feeling was there than this?

"…Shikamaru? You're not falling asleep on me, are you?"

"…Nngh."

"Come on, we just woke up!" Naruto protested, shaking Shikamaru's shoulders. "It's only eleven o'clock! You've only been up for an hour!" The shaking stopped. Shikamaru wondered if Naruto had just given up, unlikely though it was. "Come _on_, Shikamaru! Don't you get enough sleep at night?"

_(—"Naruto," Sakura accused, poking the taller man's chest, "you're not getting enough sleep at night."_

"_Don't worry, Sakura-chan," Naruto answered with a grin. "It's just the usual problems everyone has. Nothing to worry about – I'll get used to it."_

_Even though it had been going on for months, at least? Sakura looked as worried and unconvinced as Shikamaru was. "Are you sure you don't want sleeping pills?"_

_Naruto shook his head. "No, no, don't you get it? We can't afford addictions, or dependency on one thing. Besides, Sakura-chan—" He swallowed, mouth set in a grim line, "—they don't work. Kyuubi, remember?"—)_

"I just had a nightmare." Shikamaru yawned widely, though his eyes were squeezed shut more tightly than normal. "It's nothing to worry about."

"Oh." There was the sound of shifting clothing, then, "You wanna talk about it?"

It was one of the few that didn't relate to the past – future, whatever – but how would you describe, to a child, that haunting feeling, a chill down your spine, and the thought that you're missing something important – something vital – but you didn't know what it was? How would you explain the feeling of helplessness, of hopelessness, the despair of trying to save someone that couldn't hear you? How would you explain to an adult that it's nothing for them to worry about, although no child should feel that way? How could he explain it to himself, when he didn't even remember the dream, but only the accompanying feelings and waking up cold and clammy with sweat? "I'm fine."

"Okay. But you don't have to hide it, you know." Shikamaru opened his eyes to see Naruto lying down beside him, looking at Shikamaru with his patented grin. "I've got nightmares too."

Shikamaru didn't doubt it, but he wondered what kind of things Naruto might have dreamt of. "You wanna talk about it?"

"It's… there was a fire, in one of them. Screams in another, but I dunno if it's the same one." Naruto frowned. "They're nothing really major, though, because we're going to be shinobi." He let out a sigh. "I hear laughter, sometimes, too, and it almost sounds like it's me."

Shikamaru shivered. Was this what being a jinchuuriki was like? "I'm sure it's not. You're not a bad person, so it can't be you."

Naruto's eyes widened, then they softened. Shikamaru thought Naruto's eyes looked a bit wet, but then Naruto turned the other way and wiped his face with the back of his hand. "Thanks."

That simple statement must have meant more to him than Shikamaru could ever know.

"The three legendary Sannin didn't last forever, though. The man named Orochimaru, who had been considered for Yondaime Hokage – are you listening, Naruto?" Iruka stopped his lecture, looking at the empty seat. "What? Naruto!"

Iruka twitched, looking around the classroom though he knew it was futile. Honestly, he'd thought Naruto had stopped doing this! Shikamaru, sleeping on the desk over there, had been keeping Naruto in check, even though they didn't pay as much attention in class as they should have. Wait, hold on, Shikamaru was _sleeping_? But Iruka had thought that had stopped too!

"Shikamaru, would you like to join us?" he suggested loudly. Shikamaru continued to sleep, as if he couldn't hear. Iruka frowned and went over to tap his student on the head with a pen, but the writing utensil passed right through Shikamaru's head. Shikamaru disappeared in a puff of smoke.

No way…

"Excuse me, class." They looked at him, most with bored expressions on their faces, while some looked apprehensive. Those who had actually been paying much attention at all had noticed the clone, and had expressions of varying surprise or envy. (He knew which were going to fail the history test, and when they did, he would easily be able to make a note as to why.) "Would you please behave while I go to collect our resident troublemakers?"

"Yes, Iruka-sensei," they intoned, but an eraser had already left Kiba's hand as Iruka disappeared in a puff of smoke. He thought he heard one of the girls shriek.

Really, Iruka thought, leaping off of a large branch, it was a good thing that Shikamaru was so good at _Bunshin no Jutsu_ already, a couple of years before it was comprehensively taught, but to use it to skip class… That wasn't supposed to happen! Anyway, he would've thought that it would be too _troublesome_ for the Nara. Obviously not. And while Shikamaru wasn't there to stop him, Naruto went out and probably was causing trouble.

He leapt through the trees, toward a very obvious chakra signature he'd know anywhere. As he neared it, he realised that there were two – the very two he was looking for. How convenient. Iruka had never thought that Shikamaru would allow Naruto to convince him to go along with a prank.

"Augh! I—can't—hit—you!" Iruka slowed at the sound of Naruto's voice. What were they doing? "Come on, slow down and let me land a punch or something!"

"Just get faster," Shikamaru's voice suggested lazily. Iruka leapt to another tree branch quietly to get closer, then a few more. He leapt down and hid behind a tree trunk, peering from behind it to watch. His eyes widened at the sight of the two sparring in a clearing. Naruto had abandoned his jacket and was moving to attack, while Shikamaru dodged almost fluidly – for an Academy student. He could never match the grace of some of the jounin around here, not at his age. Iruka could see that Shikamaru, breathing hard and sweating, was tiring, while Naruto could probably continue for another hour or so.

Naruto dove at Shikamaru's feet, trying to grab the other's legs, but Shikamaru jumped back just out of reach. "Come on, Naruto. If you can't outrun me, find another way to hit—whoa!" Naruto had suddenly leapt at him again, leaping up with an uppercut, but Shikamaru just barely dodged by hopping back and moving his chin out of the way. Naruto brought his leg up, and kneed Shikamaru in the stomach. Shikamaru grunted, stumbling, and fell on his butt. He rubbed his head, opening his mouth as if to say something, but Naruto's yell interrupted him.

"I did it! I did it!" He danced in a circle around his fallen opponent. "I can hit Shikamaru, I can hit Shikamaru!" Shikamaru kicked out and tripped Naruto, an annoyed expression on his face.

"That was chea—wait," he corrected himself, "it wasn't. Pretty good, actually, but if I could just get that _Kawarimi_ right…"

"Yeah! I got complimented by Shikamaru!"

"…then you would've ended up hitting a log, or something, and since you're so slow I could hit you from behind before you noticed anything." Naruto listened intently, more so than he ever had at any of Iruka's lessons. "Anyway, I was getting tired around that last part, but you can practically go on forever."

"Ooh, two compliments in one day. Dare I go for three?"

Shikamaru ignored the comment. "I could've hit you multiple times if I wasn't just being the punching bag, since you leave a lot of openings. Did anyone bother to tell you that your taijutsu stances are probably worse than a civilian's?"

"What? I could beat the old man any time!"

"_Which_ old man? I hope you don't mean the Hokage, since you couldn't beat him if you trained for years."

"Sure I can! Watch me!"

"Or," Iruka said loudly, stepping into plain view, "you could return to class with me and watch another detention go on your record."

Both pairs of eyes widened comically. "Run!" Naruto yelled. They both scrambled up and fled out of sight.

Iruka cursed.

"Tie them up, next time," he muttered under his breath. "Tie them up _before_ revealing your presence."

Shikamaru lay back on his bed, thinking. He'd been able to produce a semi-passable _bunshin_, but it was nowhere near sufficient for any real purposes. It would have gone unseen, but the clone's legs hadn't looked fully solid, the facial details were a bit messed up, and he couldn't get the clone to move anything at all like a normal human. It was a good thing he was known for laziness, or he wouldn't have been able to pull off feigning sleep.

Maybe _Bunshin no Jutsu_ was aiming a little too high at his current level, but he couldn't really practice many techniques at night. Some were a bit destructive, like _kawarimi_, which required other objects, preferably logs. Maybe _Henge no Jutsu_ would work, since Naruto had had trouble with _Bunshin no Jutsu_ but had managed to transform into nude women at will (he flushed as he remembered being woken up by Naruto in this form). Come to think of it, he should've done that _first_, as it would have been less troublesome.

Not driving himself to chakra exhaustion had its benefits, after all.

But. Falling asleep after being tired enough was… peaceful. If he practiced enough jutsu, he could sleep without a single dream. The only problem was that he had yet to find the exact point where he would be able to sleep peacefully, yet not be completely exhausted the next day. He was a little concerned that this couldn't be healthy for his body, but at his point, his mental health was a little more important. Wasn't his mind the reason why Naruto had decided Shikamaru was a better candidate for this "mission"?

It would be troublesome, but starting now might be a good idea. Mirror, first. He quietly got off the bed to make his way to the bathroom. What should he transform into, he wondered, staring at his _(—cold, dead eyes, void of anything resembling emotion – like a true shinobi's—)_ young-looking face. Perhaps…

He made a seal. "_Henge_!"

_Once again, there was only darkness. But there were no voices, this time, and Shikamaru wondered if maybe he'd just been imagining them after all._

* * *

Bunshin no Jutsu: Clone Technique

Henge no Jutsu: Transformation Technique

Kagemane no Jutsu: Shadow Imitation Technique

Kawarimi no Jutsu: Body Replacement Technique

Not so happy with this chapter, but it works. Betaed by NaiteShyde.

Posted September 29, 2007.


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